I don’t feel the energy to take pictures. Or is it laziness? I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and never could nail it. I love photography, I want to shoot or rather I would like to do it but instead I’m just doing other things. Podcasting, streaming, board gaming, reading etc but not shooting pictures.
Does it mean I’m burnt out or just my dedication and love for photography were not true? Why don’t I feel that tinkling every time I think about developing film or scanning it? What’s wrong?
I waste a lot of time doing things I shouldn’t be doing at the moment or at all. It may not be true for everyone but it is for me.
With so many things happening in life it’s almost a crime to waste time. Yet I find myself doing exactly that more often than I’d like.
Sometimes I sit down with the intention to write a post or publish a picture and an hour later I’ve not even started. Sure there is a reason for that but nevertheless I can’t forgive myself for such bad time management.
I’ve looked at the date of my previous post and it was more than two weeks ago. I don’t have any regular schedule, true. And maybe I shouldn’t beat myself up for this but as much as I want to be consistent with posting I don’t find a lot of time for thinking it through and then actually writing.
And I don’t blame my life, work and family, no. I blame myself for wasting too much time on small things that look harmless for productivity but turn out to be huge sinkholes.
It affected my photography too. I’ve previously praised film for bringing so much joy when I develop and then scan it and it’s all true. But because of “the lack of time” I don’t get to processing film lately. Newly developed pictures used to be a great motivation to post frequently but not having developed a roll for a month or maybe even more I’ve got nothing to write home about. Except for occasional digital stuff which seems easier to process and share.
Being an optimist as I am, I still hope this is just a phase. We all have these moments after all. The struggle is hard but acknowledging the problem is a step into the right direction.